For an entire year I planned to write a new blog post and several weeks ago I finally wrote an article that I was determined to share. I edited this and edited that, but I could never get it right. I wanted to get people to understand differences on a specific hot topic and maybe, find common ground; but sharing that article, even though it went through some extensive research and editing, hasn’t felt inspired. I knew people would only see the issue and lose the point. Very early Wednesday morning, at what seemed the most inopportune time, the words I needed suddenly came to my mind and I immediately started writing a completely new article. My blog states that I believe Anne Frank’s words that “People are really good at heart.” This year I have fought an internal battle, lost, and fought again to defend this belief from myself. Why?
Social media has left a bad taste in my mouth...forgive the cliche, but it really does taste bad. People I love have shown a side of them that I wish I had never seen. They filled up my feed with political attacks, unchecked rumors, and hurtful accusations, some of which insulted my personal beliefs and opinions. I have unfollowed so many dear friends, because I refused to allow Facebook John or Facebook Sally (these are fictionalized names) to ruin the in-person relationships and memories that I cherish. However, as much as I tried to ignore this side of people, it was constantly being brought back to my thoughts.
The more anger and misunderstanding I witnessed dished out at opposing parties, the more angered and disillusioned I felt. Were people really not good at heart? Injustices were screaming inside of my head. There are very few things that I can tolerate less than perpetuated lies or unjust accusations, no matter how they are shared. How could people really be good at heart when so many seemed to be willingly fanning the flames of discord throughout social media? Some of you may be thinking, “That’s right! Tell them!” There is a tendency to deflect when someone is making accusations and think that these words are intended for someone else, usually someone we feel has wronged us or someone with whom we don’t agree. But if peace in this world is a common goal, then we must all constantly do a self-evaluation...an honest one and start that evaluation by assuming it could be me. The purpose of this post is not to make anyone feel bad, but to, hopefully, inspire change.
These relentless feelings were tearing me apart from the inside out. I can honestly admit that I was feeling animosity towards an entire group of people who I felt were destroying my belief that people truly are good at heart. After all, it was their fault I could no longer see the good, wasn’t it? I mean, they were turning my loving America into a battleground where no one ever wins and the only way to survive is to escalate.
I couldn’t emotionally handle how people refuse to see evil, because it serves them to ignore it, or to see honor and goodness because it doesn’t jive with their biases. These glaring flaws became all I could think or talk about. I tried desperately to separate my friends from this group and only feel disgruntled with the faceless (as if that was any better). But these feelings couldn’t be kept from tainting my relationships, despite my attempts, because it was my friends, not strangers, who made this feel so personal.
These feelings became harder to fight in the middle of a pandemic, where the social media version of my friends was my only contact. I was miserable, but felt justified in my anger, because people were choosing ignorance over truth and retribution over kindness. And yet, what did my anger do to solve anything? Nothing. Spoiler: I know that all it was doing was taking away my own internal peace and sanity.
Weeks of misery turned into months. I completely got off my social media account which had poisoned my outlook. I went into hermit mode. I tried to go through life with rose colored glasses over my eyes and noise cancelling earphones over my ears. But, despite my efforts, the outside world kept creeping into my life through various channels and my disappointment and resentment towards people continued to grow.
Then, finally, October came, and with it, my healing. Every six months my church holds a broadcasted conference, in which we listen to the leaders of our entire world church for 5 two hour sessions. I absolutely love every minute of this event. I look forward to it, the same as I do Christmas! I think some might compare my enthusiasm to that of tailgating and football season…Seriously though, this weekend strengthens my soul, brings me much needed peace in a crazy world, and gives me the courage to make improving changes in my life.
The theme of each session overflowed with messages of Christ-like love. As I pondered the words and thoughts of these speakers, whom I admire and try to emulate, my mind and my heart began to grasp tightly to this thought. I have always believed in Christ-like love, but if I wanted to love my fellowman again, I needed to truly embrace the action of Christ-like love...giving it unconditionally and allowing forgiveness to work in every aspect of my life.
If Christ can love all of God’s children, no matter what they have done or whom they have hurt, if he can love me with all my flaws, mistakes and imperfections, I can certainly forgive people for words and actions that unintentionally or intentionally encouraged contention, instead of love. And, I’ve decided to assume it is unintentional. For those of you who do not have my specific faith, I hope you too believe there is love that heals seemingly, unhealable wounds. If not yet, give love a try.
I gave into this thought completely and I let go of all my hurt feelings, all of my anger. I began to see the faces of the people I love once again as just that, people I truly love. Forgiving my friends hasn’t changed my friends, it has changed me. I realized that I was the reason I stopped believing in the good at heart and that I could believe again, if I was willing to do the work and trust in God.
I continued to see more clearly as I wrote and rewrote my previously alluded to unpublished blog post. As I researched deeper into both the moral and political issue I was focusing on, I began to see how easy it was for misinformation to seep into my own life and create wrong viewpoints. Seeing my own flaws made it so much easier to forgive anothers’ flaws.
This change of heart moved me to follow another inspiring message I received from this same conference: Sharon Eubanks, the first counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency (our church’s women’s organization), said the following, “I believe the change we seek in ourselves and in the groups we belong to will come less by activism and more by actively trying every day to understand one another.”
I no longer want to actively get people to see how they are wrong, or try and push others to understand me; instead, I want to actively try to understand them. I want to understand the good parts of them that are driving their actions, instead of focusing on the act itself. I seek our common ground. And you know what? I will find it, because I am looking. As I focus on their intentions and our similarities, I can once again see the good in their hearts.
My intentional understanding isn’t limited to just my friends and loved ones, it has spread to acquaintances and people whom I may never meet. I don’t need to condone anyone’s wrongdoings or support misinformation, and I can still stand for what I believe (in respectful and honorable ways), as we all should. But, more importantly, I can still have respect for others’ experiences that have shaped their own perspectives without feeling defensive of my own. I will no longer allow isolated negative actions to define my fellowman or allow those actions to supplant all their good and worthy parts. I will remember their good hearts.
And now, to all those whose light, and my love, I allowed to diminish in my life, I ask your forgiveness.
While this experience has taught me to fully accept that there are those who purposely seek destruction and hate, I will not forget that the ratio of good at heart to these evil people is so disproportionate and I can continue to hope the good will conquer the evil. For the most part, people really are good at heart. And one thing I know, without a doubt, is that all within my personal circle are these truly good at heart.
My challenge to all who read these words, is to purposefully and willfully take the time to understand those whom you believe are wrong on any kind of level. I speak to those who may be hurting and I speak to those who could be causing pain. It is also important to remember who may read or hear your words. Even though your friends may share the same sociality as you do, it is important to acknowledge and accept that they may still believe differently and it is important to remember this in all your interactions. Because while your words may be intended to defeat an enemy, they may hurt someone you hold dear. And hopefully, as we gain understanding, we will hold all people dear, regardless of politics or anything else that makes us different.
I encourage you to evaluate your words in conversations and posts on social media. If you are feeling defensive or angry, please take a step back, think and then fight those feelings by sharing something that uplifts and connects us. I promise this continued effort will give you the balm you need to stave your negative feelings.
I dare you to look at opposing political sides and find your common ground. Find what good intentions drive their beliefs and then see them for the first time as a brother or sister in this incredible world wide family we call humankind. I challenge all who read this, no matter their political, religious, or social affiliations, to finally see each other the way that God sees you; flawed and imperfect, but beautiful and individually important. I have accepted my own challenge, and I have already increased the joy I feel in my life by just appreciating the differences in all people, whether I know them personally or not.
I hope you will all accept my challenge to see one another’s good hearts and I hope to see within my own small associations the beginning of change, and maybe...“through [these] small and simple things [we will see] great things...brought to pass.”(Alma 37:6 The Book of Mormon)
