Fighting for the Good at Heart

For an entire year I planned to write a new blog post and several weeks ago I finally wrote an article that I was determined to share.  I edited this and edited that, but I could never get it right.  I wanted to get people to understand differences on a specific hot topic and maybe, find common ground; but sharing that article, even though it went through some extensive research and editing, hasn’t felt inspired.  I knew people would only see the issue and lose the point. Very early Wednesday morning, at what seemed the most inopportune time, the words I needed suddenly came to my mind and I immediately started writing a completely new article.   My blog states that I believe Anne Frank’s words that “People are really good at heart.”  This year I have fought an internal battle, lost, and fought again to defend this belief from myself.  Why?

Social media has left a bad taste in my mouth...forgive the cliche, but it really does taste bad.  People I love have shown a side of them that I wish I had never seen.  They filled up my feed with political attacks, unchecked rumors, and hurtful accusations, some of which insulted my personal beliefs and opinions.  I have unfollowed so many dear friends, because I refused to allow Facebook John or Facebook Sally (these are fictionalized names) to ruin the in-person relationships and memories that I cherish.  However, as much as I tried to ignore this side of people, it was constantly being brought back to my thoughts.  

The more anger and misunderstanding I witnessed dished out at opposing parties, the more angered and disillusioned I felt.  Were people really not good at heart?  Injustices were screaming inside of my head.  There are very few things that I can tolerate less than perpetuated lies or unjust accusations, no matter how they are shared.  How could people really be good at heart when so many seemed to be willingly fanning the flames of discord throughout social media?  Some of you may be thinking, “That’s right!  Tell them!”  There is a tendency to deflect when someone is making accusations and think that these words are intended for someone else, usually someone we feel has wronged us or someone with whom we don’t agree.   But if peace in this world is a common goal, then we must all constantly do a self-evaluation...an honest one and start that evaluation by assuming it could be me.  The purpose of this post is not to make anyone feel bad, but to, hopefully, inspire change.  

These relentless feelings were tearing me apart from the inside out.  I can honestly admit that I was feeling animosity towards an entire group of people who I felt were destroying my belief that people truly are good at heart.  After all, it was their fault I could no longer see the good, wasn’t it? I mean, they were turning my loving America into a battleground where no one ever wins and the only way to survive is to escalate. 

I couldn’t emotionally handle how people refuse to see evil, because it serves them to ignore it, or to see honor and goodness because it doesn’t jive with their biases. These glaring flaws became all I could think or talk about. I tried desperately to separate my friends from this group and only feel disgruntled with the faceless (as if that was any better).  But these feelings couldn’t be kept from tainting my relationships, despite my attempts, because it was my friends, not strangers, who made this feel so personal.  

These feelings became harder to fight in the middle of a pandemic, where the social media version of my friends was my only contact.  I was miserable, but felt justified in my anger, because people were choosing ignorance over truth and retribution over kindness.  And yet, what did my anger do to solve anything?  Nothing. Spoiler:  I know that all it was doing was taking away my own internal peace and sanity.

Weeks of misery turned into months.  I completely got off my social media account which had poisoned my outlook.  I went into hermit mode.  I tried to go through life with rose colored glasses over my eyes and noise cancelling earphones over my ears.  But, despite my efforts, the outside world kept creeping into my life through various channels and my disappointment and resentment towards people continued to grow.

Then, finally, October came, and with it, my healing.  Every six months my church holds a broadcasted conference, in which we listen to the leaders of our entire world church for 5 two hour sessions.  I absolutely love every minute of this event.  I look forward to it, the same as I do Christmas!  I think some might compare my enthusiasm to that of tailgating and football season…Seriously though, this weekend strengthens my soul, brings me much needed peace in a crazy world, and gives me the courage to make improving changes in my life.  

The theme of each session overflowed with messages of Christ-like love.  As I pondered the words and thoughts of these speakers, whom I admire and try to emulate, my mind and my heart began to grasp tightly to this thought.  I have always believed in Christ-like love, but if I wanted to love my fellowman again, I needed to truly embrace the action of Christ-like love...giving it unconditionally and allowing forgiveness to work in every aspect of my life. 

If Christ can love all of God’s children, no matter what they have done or whom they have hurt, if he can love me with all my flaws, mistakes and imperfections, I can certainly forgive people for words and actions that unintentionally or intentionally encouraged contention, instead of love. And, I’ve decided to assume it is unintentional.  For those of you who do not have my specific faith, I hope you too believe there is love that heals seemingly, unhealable wounds.  If not yet, give love a try.

I gave into this thought completely and I let go of all my hurt feelings, all of my anger.  I began to see the faces of the people I love once again as just that, people I truly love.  Forgiving my friends hasn’t changed my friends, it has changed me. I realized that I was the reason I stopped believing in the good at heart and that I could believe again, if I was willing to do the work and trust in God.  

I continued to see more clearly as I wrote and rewrote my previously alluded to unpublished blog post.  As I researched deeper into both the moral and political issue I was focusing on, I began to see how easy it was for misinformation to seep into my own life and create wrong viewpoints.   Seeing my own flaws made it so much easier to forgive anothers’ flaws.   

This change of heart moved me to follow another inspiring message I received from this same conference:  Sharon Eubanks, the first counselor in the General Relief Society Presidency (our church’s women’s organization), said the following, “I believe the change we seek in ourselves and in the groups we belong to will come less by activism and more by actively trying every day to understand one another.”  

I no longer want to actively get people to see how they are wrong, or try and push others to understand me; instead, I want to actively try to understand them.  I want to understand the good parts of them that are driving their actions, instead of focusing on the act itself.  I seek our common ground.  And you know what? I will find it, because I am looking.  As I focus on their intentions and our similarities, I can once again see the good in their hearts.  

My intentional understanding isn’t limited to just my friends and loved ones, it has spread to acquaintances and people whom I may never meet.  I don’t need to condone anyone’s wrongdoings or support misinformation, and I can still stand for what I believe (in respectful and honorable ways), as we all should.  But, more importantly, I can still have respect for others’ experiences that have shaped their own perspectives without feeling defensive of my own.  I will no longer allow isolated negative actions to define my fellowman or allow those actions to supplant all their good and worthy parts.  I will remember their good hearts.  

And now, to all those whose light, and my love, I allowed to diminish in my life, I ask your forgiveness.  

While this experience has taught me to fully accept that there are those who purposely seek destruction and hate, I will not forget that the ratio of good at heart to these evil people is so disproportionate and I can continue to hope the good will conquer the evil.  For the most part, people really are good at heart.  And one thing I know, without a doubt, is that all within my personal circle are these truly good at heart.

My challenge to all who read these words, is to purposefully and willfully take the time to understand those whom you believe are wrong on any kind of level.  I speak to those who may be hurting and I speak to those who could be causing pain.  It is also important to remember who may read or hear your words. Even though your friends may share the same sociality as you do, it is important to acknowledge and accept that they may still believe differently and it is important to remember this in all your interactions. Because while your words may be intended to defeat an enemy, they may hurt someone you hold dear.  And hopefully, as we gain understanding, we will hold all people dear, regardless of politics or anything else that makes us different.

I encourage you to evaluate your words in conversations and posts on social media.  If you are feeling defensive or angry, please take a step back, think and then fight those feelings by sharing something that uplifts and connects us.  I promise this continued effort will give you the balm you need to stave your negative feelings.   

I dare you to look at opposing political sides and find your common ground. Find what good intentions drive their beliefs and then see them for the first time as a brother or sister in this incredible world wide family we call humankind. I challenge all who read this, no matter their political, religious, or social affiliations, to finally see each other the way that God sees you; flawed and imperfect, but beautiful and individually important.  I have accepted my own challenge, and I have already increased the joy I feel in my life by just appreciating the differences in all people, whether I know them personally or not. 

I hope you will all accept my challenge to see one another’s good hearts and I hope to see within my own small associations the beginning of change, and maybe...“through [these] small and simple things [we will see] great things...brought to pass.”(Alma 37:6 The Book of Mormon)

Standing for Truth and Righteousness

When I was a youth, every Sunday in my church I would rise with the other young women when asked to Stand For Truth and Righteousness, and we would recite our Young Women’s theme.  Here is part of that theme:  “WE ARE DAUGHTERS of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. WE WILL “STAND as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9, The Book of Mormon)...”

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what it means these days to stand for truth and righteousness.  I’ve decided that it means I can no longer sit quietly and wait for things to blow over because I’m afraid of offending someone or because I don’t think what I have to say will make any difference.  I asked myself, what if no one ever took a stand?  What if both Martin Luthers, Thomas Jefferson, Galileo, or even Jesus Christ had stayed silent because they we’re afraid?  Not that I group myself in with these significant examples, but how can I know the difference I can make if I never try?  Now that doesn’t mean that I want to offend anyone, and I’m going to be very mindful of that.  What I ask of those who may not feel the same way as I do, but know me and know my heart and all I strive for, and even those who do not know me to please read this with an open heart and mind...and perhaps with a prayer in your heart that you will hear truth when it is spoken.

Anne Frank, this is for you.

The divide in this country, I would argue, deepened during the turn of this century with the formation of certain polarizing parties within the existing parties.  I don’t blame President Bush. I believe he was doing the best he could with what he had, and I believe he honestly believed he was doing for his country what he thought was best.  I believe the same of President Obama.  Both men are good men, who love their wives and their children and their country.  Just because I see the good in them, doesn’t mean I agreed with all of their policies and choices.  I don’t.  However, I believe that it is more important that the person who represents this country is a good and kind hearted person with intelligence and an understanding of how to work with others than what their political beliefs are.

When I vote for someone to represent me, I never look at his or her political viewpoints first.  That is always the last thing I look at.  First, I look at what kind of person they are.  I observe their countenance and listen to how they speak and how they treat others, their closest friends and their deepest enemies.

I know there are many who believe what a President does in his private life is no concern of theirs.  Well, I don’t agree with this because of one of the most important beliefs I hold regarding this great country: I believe that God watches over and guides this country and he cannot inspire someone whose heart dwells in darkness, or whose heart thinks of no one but his own.  And even without that belief, I cannot trust someone that cannot hold trust with even those he supposedly loves.

Two years ago, I had friends who said they voted for Trump because they felt he was their only option, but that they didn’t agree with who he was and that they didn’t like him.  I asked after the election that those who voted for him, who did it for these reasons, that they stand up against any tyranny and disrespect that may come from him.  I have not seen these stands.  What I’ve observed is that many (not all, but too many) of those who voted for him and Republicans who were adamant that he was a terrible person and voted 3rd party, are now defending his every move and every statement.  It is unfathomable to me that anyone would defend any politician on every issue, whether they voted for him or not.  I cannot believe that everyone who voted agree 100% with everything their candidate stands for.  It is almost as though the voter feels regret in their choice and is now trying to deny it by saying their candidate is of course perfect, because they voted for him.  The voter should be holding the candidate to their standard and not the other way around.

This is not an attack on Republicans, I’m just as irritated with the way many Democrats have been acting, especially within Congress.  They have continued the cycle of revenge when the opposing party is in office.  Let me just say, “An eye for an eye, just makes the whole world blind”.  And currently, within our political parties, that is exactly what we are: blind.  Our current President knows this and is cashing in on America’s inability to forgive and be the better person...or party.  He is driving the wedge even deeper between us, because it benefits him.  He is feeding our easily influenced egos with the lie that we are better than everyone else.  And his words have festered in the hearts of far too many.  Remember that time when a group of people believed they were better than another and millions and millions of innocent people were murdered?  I thought it was impossible to forget.

The media has shot itself in the foot the last couple of decades and they are paying for it now.  But far worse, is when our leader asks the people to distrust the only sources we have to find the truth.  I have always been able to find the truth, even mingled within biases and distracted discourses.  The truth is the part that connects every perspective.  If we stop trusting the news completely, then we are in danger of following all other nations that have fallen under fascist rule and dictatorship.

Tyranny also comes if we continue to put any group of people into a box of degradation and trample it with hatred.  History repeats itself every time a new group of people has tried to become American, or when an indigenous people has attacked us, or someone’s beliefs do not fully jive with the majority, or whose minority group has sought for equal rights.  The American Japanese were put in concentration camps during WWII, people fought to keep Catholics out of our country, people enslaved other humans and continue to do so in many respects, women are suppressed, good and pious Muslims are slandered.  Persecuted people, including Jews, Christians, Muslims and many others who are suffering have been barred from seeking refuge within our borders. My own ancestors in the early days of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints were met with the same callous and heartless refusals, meanwhile men, women and children were torn apart, murdered and their homes destroyed.

We need order and we need protection, but putting walls, either figurative or physical, between us will only isolate us and make us more susceptible to those who would love nothing more than to see us fall.  Sometimes walls are necessary, but it is important to remember that they do not solve problems, they only hide them.  Look at the countries that are hard pressed to let anyone in who isn’t their own...they are communist, dictator ruled, and fascist countries, whose people are oppressed and live daily in fear and in want of what we have.

I have faith in my country, because I have faith in He who inspired it.  But I know that mankind does a very good job of destroying gifts that God has given us and I don’t want my country coming so close to destruction that we never really get back what we have or that we never grow to be what we truly could be.

America is and has always been about opportunity, second chances, open minds and open doors, freedom from the horrors of this world, and simply hope.  I can no longer stand idly by and allow anyone to turn America into a land of ignorance, hatred, ego, and fear.

Please stand with me and fight to close the cavernous gaps that enchain us.   If we don’t stand together now, then we may never be given another chance because “a house divided against itself cannot stand”.

American Rights, American Freedom

In the early settling years of America, many people pilgrimaged here, seeking freedom from religious persecution.  The Puritans, who are commonly associated with this hopeful migration, wanted freedom to worship how they believed—without the oppression of the more wide-spread Church of England—so they came to America, a land still so new and unspoilt.  They came to ensure their own rights.  However, when they were introduced to the Quakers, religious freedom was apparently a right that only they possessed.  They tormented the Quakers shamelessly.  The Puritans, who had just been persecuted, were now dishing it out to others for the very same reason that they had been on the receiving end—they were different. 

This seems to be the pattern of human rights.  Seek desperately for your own rights and then take away the rights of those who do not agree with your belief system or who don’t fit your mold.  Equality is all well and good—as long as you have more of it than those who are different from you.  It’s my middle school reading of Animal Farm all over again, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others” (George Orwell).  This pattern of imbalanced equality has continued in America, even into our 21^st century.  The Irish Catholic were persecuted for being different—just think about what a major game changer it was for John F. Kennedy to be elected president.  Catholics had been here since the beginning of our America, and yet, it took until half way through the 20^th century for a Catholic to be accepted.  The Mormons were driven from one city to another and from state to state until they were finally outside the borders of the United States.  Because Mormon beliefs were different, those who ignorantly feared them actually extended an Extermination Order.  Yep.  Equal rights were definitely not for Mormons.  Thankfully, they were eventually accepted (of sorts) and even managed to get a viable Presidential Candidate…after much harangue.  Currently, Muslims are being estranged and tyrannized because, once again, people fear what they don’t understand.

It is not just the acceptance of different religious groups and their right to rights that we as a humans struggle with.  I want to point out that it is rights in general that people have a hard time sharing.  The Native Americans were branded savages and their land and homes were taken in the name of Manifest Destiny.  The Japanese American, many of which had lived their whole life here, were placed in concentration camps after Pearl Harbor…because they were of Japanese descent.  Hollywood was turned inside out in the Communist witch hunt.  Black Americans were not allowed to use the same bathroom as white Americans…because even after 200 years living here, they were still just the color of their skin.  All four of these examples were driven by ignorance and fear.  Women were not allowed to vote because…well, they were women, you know, the “weaker sex”.  In each instance, a group of Americans had to fight for their rights against those who feared losing their own. There is no room for fear in America.  It gets in our way of being united.  Being an American should mean that you have the right to worship, vote, and think as you please…as long as you are devoted to America and upholding her freedom. 

Outside of America, and yes there are plenty more examples inside of America, the French Revolution stands out in my mind as a horrible example of what happens when one group of people finally gain their rights, and fail to remember the importance of equal rights.  The long oppressed poor of France won control of their country.  They finally could have equal rights; but many were filled with a vengeful passion.  Their own rights were not enough.  They had to destroy everyone who represented what kept them down.  So they went on a so-called legal attempt at genocide of the entire upper class.  Women, men and children were executed because of the life-style into which they were born. 

No, life is not fair.  Equality is not free, and it oftentimes must be fought for.  Whether it is religious freedom or civil rights, we can’t forget why America was established in the first place: freedom and equality for all.  America is not perfect.  Why? Because it’s people are not perfect.  However, this does not excuse attempts to take away the rights of others because their viewpoints are different.  Different viewpoints are what make America so strong and so beautiful.  They are what keep us from falling under the tyranny of despots.  Seriously!  The Founding Father’s came up with that truly inspired idea.  The more groups of citizens with differing opinions (factions), the safer America is from dictatorship. 

It’s true that we need to fight to gain or keep our personal rights, but I would add, it is even more important, for all that America represents, to fight for the rights of those whom with we don’t agree.  Why?  Because equal rights are not limited to one viewpoint.  Equal rights are strengthened and perfected when we uphold the rights of all.  If you want equality, then you must take it and give it at the same time.  So whether you are a believer in God or Atheist, Christian or Muslim, White or Black, Gay or not, Woman or Man, or whatever other group you may identify with, fight for your rights and fight for the rights of those who do not share your beliefs. 

In light of the recent Supreme Court ruling, I would ask that those who gained their rights not seek to take away the rights of those who opposed.  Do not let history repeat itself.  Stop thinking of rights specific to your ideology.  Remember the important separation of Church and State and that there really is a difference.  And then remember, it is not gay rights verses religious freedom; it is American rights and American freedom.